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HOW TO MAKE THE MOST OF IT

Befriending the French

by Christine Leonard

French friends are gems. They are just like your friends at home. You'll have fun with them and enjoy their company, but they will also help you learn the language-in fact, friends can be the most valuable resource of all for language learning and insider perspectives. Unlike that busy shopkeeper, they will correct you when you make a mistake. Meeting and befriending the French is not as daunting as it may seem. There are, of course, cultural differences that need deciphering, but the central tenets of friendship remain the same.

Make the First Step

The biggest secret to meeting the French is making the effort. Reach out. Put yourself in contexts where you're likely to meet others. If you are in a language program, chat with your teachers, or invite them for a café after class-most teachers enjoy speaking with their students and are eager to help. Remember that they see students come and go all the time, so it might take more work on your part to establish a wider basis for friendship. If you are taking art or cooking courses and are having a hard time following what the professor is talking about, ask that French student next to you for help after class. Many are more than willing to lend a hand. Capitalize on your favorite activities. As we've mentioned before, hiking and biking clubs are ideal venues for finding friends who share your enthusiasm-most clubs and associations are happy to see new faces. Most golf courses in France are public and open to visitors who have handicaps.

Go With the Flow

Attitude is what counts. A good attitude will get you far. Even if you commit a faux pas, such as too many kisses on the cheek when greeting someone, a friendly face and clear intentions can smooth it over. An open mind, adaptability, and a go-with-the-flow perspective break down a lot of barriers. So does a sense of humor. Every traveler knows at least one other person who can't seem to remain positive in the face of a challenge and blames it on the host culture. This kind of person usually has a hard time integrating.

Understanding the Differences

There are quand même cultural differences that are important to keep in mind when embarking on a sojourn in France. In America, it is easy to start up a conversation with a complete stranger in an airport or in line at the post office. Many frank and outgoing Americans feel comfortable telling even very personal life stories to new acquaintances. In France, getting to that level of intimacy takes more time for personal investment and building trust-especially among older people who adhere to traditional rules of social etiquette and reserve. This is why it is so important to put yourself in a context where you will be around other French people. If you are in a class or club together, you will build common experiences that will naturally evolve into easygoing relationships. Once you return home, try to maintain the friendships that you worked so hard to build while you were abroad. Introduce your new friends to the American custom of sending holiday cards. If they are on social networks, stay connected that way. Invite them to visit. The friends you make while you are in France will provide a lasting link across cultures, and they will help you preserve your language skills long after you come home.